Satan's Luau

And now, with great reluctance I bring you my review of Meshuggah's "Nothing"
oh by the way, there's no grade for it ... it gets a ???

What the hell is this? ... there, that's my review ... peel the onionskins of meaning behind it ...ha

Let me try again, progressive metal has been pretty much a non-issue in the past ten years or so, a non-entity ... I know that there are those who would make claims to its crown

Dream Theatre: YAWWWWNNN
Symphony X: (repeat your yawn)
TOOL: tolerable if you can get beyond the self-important crap

Voivod has released a new album last month ... I must love to say that, I think I've said that 437 times in writing in the past two weeks ... and it is your typical Voivod quirkiness with some really solid driving prog-power metal

Now on to Meshuggah, they're beyond progressive metal ... they're their own category that I call the pretentious noisy crap genre .... again, I implore you to peel the layers of meaning in that genre title ... ha

So, you're wondering or thinking cut the babble, tell me if its good or not

I don't know

There you have it my review: What the hell is this (I don't know)

The music will either strike you as being FAR BEYOND THE REALMS OF LIGHT, like totally cutting edge Ginsu material, totally taking chances in metal... orrrrr.... the most waste of time robotic, machine-like, dissonant crap since Phil Glass learned how to interact with a pee-AH-noh

Ok, ummm, review, right? It will sound to most people as NOISE on the first listen ...

You like power chords? They be here
You like powerful finessed drumming (ooh, and double bass)? Its here
You like guttural vocals that sound like cookie monster with bronchitis? HERE!
Oh yeah, and it all makes no traditional verse chorus verse sense ... sound good to you???

You think you can open-mindedly listen to music? Try on this fat boy

I think I should do an interpretive guide ...
Your mind will think ...oh jazzy drumming but metal sounding... oh then here come the crunchy riffs ... wait, they sound like they're playing two different songs .. oh ok, and the really great vocals that sound like Rob and Fab on the Arsenio Hall show (Girl, you know its sung for true ... i mean, real)

Then your mind goes ... hey, how can something so SIMPLE sounding be such noisy crap ...

Ok lets kick in the math metal analysis, shall we?
ok, here come the guitars at rapid pace on their own signature, but the drums are sticking out a simple 4:4 ... with regular irregular snare ... and they meet up many many measures later (some have commented like 32nd or 64th or 128th before they synch up in a HARMONY ... yeah, hoo sonic relief)

Therefore, math metal ... base 2 and 4 and even 3 exponential progressions... its like Rush on crystal meth, with equally annoying vocals (sorry, i couldnt resist) ... and just when you think, its completely chaotic, it holds its form ... very tight ... if nothing else, HELLA tight rhythms

Ok, so you're thinking, I can figure out, make sense of this brutal heavy jam-oriented wall of sound ... with lyrics ...

OOPS SORRY, no lyrics here ... yes, you can cry now
Well, I shouldn're misrepresent... you can read them on your PC (yes, PC not MAC) ... but not play the music at the same time ... yes, I found another reason to hate WIN because of this CD

Oh and when you get to the lyrics, having a grasp of Swede-lish helps, or consult with a Swede friend (lucky me, I have one)

"Please forgive the evil in me" ... yeah, us too at the Luau for making you read all this nothing about "Nothing"

Ok, so in the final analysis, Meshuggah isn't for me ... now some CLAIM ... although I don't f--k--g believe them that ...

If you're not intimidated by them on initial listens
You have patience to repeatedly listen
The music becomes more fascinating (HOO, smell the bull)
That eventually the music captivates your fancy

For Satan's Luau, where its Thank God There's a Jelly's where I live day!